WHO AM I???

Alot of you reaading this know me and what has happened to me the past few years, but there are some new friends who don't know about me yet. This is my story and how I came to be at this point in my life. I know some may judge me because I am 'Bigger' and think things like, 'Oh my god cant she just stop eating, seriously, its her own fault she is so fat' Its true, it was my choice to eat all the crap I have eaten and it was MY choice to not exercise, but you cannot judge someone until you know their story, it is not right to assume things until you know the facts. Here is my history..........
FAMILY
I come from a great home, my parents are amazing, they would do anything for me and I love them and my bro and sis dearly. I was normal size when i was a kid, I did ballet, played netabll and all that normal stuff. When i was about 10 I had a bit of baby fat, nothing to worry about, i developed early and so I looked bigger than my friends because I had boobs and hips but I still wasnt fat.
TEENS
 Into my teens and it was the same thing, I had big boobs and looking back now I looked healthy, but at that age as any girl will say, I hated my body, I wanted to be skinny like the other girls. I didnt want boobs. It sucked. I was always wanting to lose weight.
I was happy and I had a great group of friends whom I still ADORE, but there was one group of guys from about year 10 who thought they were better than everyone else and would whisper unkind things about me and laugh at me on dress up days if I wore something revealing, (as teen girls do at school mufti days). I was a size 12 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!! They basically ruined my self esteem and set me up for years of issues!!
OUT IN THE WORLD
I left school and became a Nanny to two beautiful kids I still hold inside my heart. I was earning my own money and was making poor choices, Partying on the weekend with my cousin and her friends and then Mcdonalds feast on hangover sunday. BAD BAD I know. I knew it then, but I just couldnt see how any guy would be interested in me other than to say 'You have great boobs', certainly I wasnt someone to take home to Mum and Dad. The fact is though, I am a great person, I am an awesome friend, I am funny (I think so LOL), I am kind and caring and any guy would have been lucky to have me. But I just couldnt see it, so I partied and I ate.
MET MY SOULMATE
About 6 months after I turned 18 I met an amazing guy through my cousin. He made me feel Beautiful, Loved, wanted, needed, sexy, everything that I had never felt from a guy. And to this day he still does, My Gorgeous Hubby Roger. He put my self esteem back together and helped me overcome my past.
I moved in with him 10 months alter and got engaged 6 months after that.
We have been together for almost 6 six years now.
BABY
One April Saturday Morning in 2009, Rog and I were chatting and the talk turned to babies, (I am BABY MAD!!!!! I have always wanted to be a mum, that is my one goal in life and Rog knew how much I wanted kids and he did too. We were happy waiting until we had some cash in the bank before trying though.) anyway he said to me 'Stuff, lets just do it, lets try for a baby' That afternoon I took a pregnancy test as I was late and what do you know, I was PREGNANT!!! We were so happy.
PREGNANCY & why it almost killed me (i wont go into too much detail as it will take forever)
I had a normal pregnancy to start with, I found out at 5 weeks and due date was 28th November 2009. I was so excited about becoming a mum and Rog couldnt wait to be a Dad and all our loved ones were so happy for us. When I was 12 weeks I had some pain and had an ultrasound, the baby was fine but I was referred to a specialist as the baby's nuchal fold was large which can mean chromosonal issues.

12 week Scan

I had to have a CVS (chronic villus sampling) to check for things like down syndrome etc.
The results came back all clear but the specialist wanted to keep seeing me as he had noticed that our baby which we now knew was a girl was a bit small for her gestation and he was worried about blood flow between placenta and bub.
over the next couple of months everything was going ok as it could be, I was going to Liverpool hospital (1 hour 20mins away) every fortnight then every week and baby was making progress but not growing as well as she should, I was classed as a high risk pregnancy and was scheduled to deliver at Liverpool at around 35 weeks, then it was bumped to 32 weeks as things were getting worse and bub wouldnt make it past then. We were geared up to deliver then, had a tour of the NICU, got our info booklets and we prepared oursleves.
SATURDAY 29TH AUGUST 2009
I got up and went to work a the local supermarket, I was 27 weeks pregnant. I had noticed my face was puffy and got Rog to take me to the doctor as I was worried. I was right, my blood pressure was sky high and I was sent to the local hospital, after a few hours I was in an ambulance with Rog and my parents following heading to Newcastle (4 hours away) on route I got worse and the decision was made to got to the nearest hospital Liverpool(Thank goodness). Not long after I arrived I was diagnosed with Pre Ecclampsia (High blood pressure) and HELLP syndrome (HELLP syndrome is a group of symptoms that occur in pregnant women who have: H -- hemolysis (the breakdown of red blood cells); EL -- elevated liver enzymes; LP -- low platelet count) I was told that the baby needed to be delivered straight away or I would die. that was it no hesitating, I was rushed to theatre and Our beautiful Lillian Maree was born at 11:44pm weighing a tiny 635 grams and 29 cms long. She was whisked away to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and I was put back together and taken to the ICU as I was still in a rough state. I spent almost three days in there waiting to be able to go see my baby girl. I was shown pictures but it wasnt the same, unless you have been there you do not know the absolute terror of not knowing whether you will ever get to see your child alive. I willed her to live,  I ached to hold her, I cried because I couldnt.

A few hours old

First Family photo

First cuddle 6 days old

So our journey began, I wont go into detail as it is a loooong journey but here is a summary.

Lily had severe chronic lung disease and IGUR (inter uterine groeth retardation, meaning she was very small for her gesation.

She spent 114 days in 3 different hospitals, Liverpool, Campbelltown and Bowral.

She came home on the 21st December 2009 on oxygen which she was on 24/7 until she was 18 months old.I become her carer as well as Mummy and we were in and out of hospital over the next 18months. It was tough, it was stressful and it was emotional. But it was worht it.

I ate because it made me feel good. I had something I could control. If I wanted to eat a whole block of chocolate coz I was stressed, I would. We ate alot of takeaway during that time as well as we were always too tired or too stressed.

My main focus was getting Lily better and we did, she is now a beautiful 2 1/2 year old who is the light in every dark spot!

She is so loved by everyone around her.

Now it is my turn, my turn to be first.

I am putting my past behind me and moving forward into a new chapter where I am healthy and happy and most of important I AM ME!

So please dont judge the lady buying 2 blocks of chocolate and chips and lollies, dont judge, you dont know her story and her pain.....

Lily now. Beautiful.............

Run fat girl, RUN

wow, just realised it has been a while since i last posted, oops sorry!
been hectic round here, i have been exercising up a storm.
the latest is that the 12wbt officially started on Monday, my weight for the start of the program was 94.7kgs which means i managed to get under 95kgs before it started, yay!
weigh in was yesterday and I have lost 1.4kgs, which brings my total lost to 7.4kgs!!
i have also taken up running... well interval training. theres a great phone app called C25K, couch to 5km, which trains you to be able to run 5kms in 9 weeks so i have been running of a night after the Little Miss has gone to bed, still not quite ready for people to actually see me run in the daylight yet!
but... this morning I did something totally unexpected and not like me at all.......
here is my fb status to show what it was
"guess what I did this morning?
I got up at 525am and went for a run!
yes, the fat girl runs... she runs at night, now she runs in the morning.
28mins and 231 cals burnt.
feeling proud of myself and surprisingly energetic.
Best feeling was when i got home and made hubby breakky  and he said to me 'I am so proud of you babe you are doing such a good job and you're looking so good'
that is what makes getting up so early worth it.
and just to be a smarty pants I am going to Zumba at 930!! "
so... great start to the week and the program, now its off to clean up before zumba, toodles xxxxx

Making Time....... For Life

I hope everyone had a great week. I did for the most part.
Saturday.......
Hubby gave me a sleep in and got Little Miss up. Then they brought me a very tasty and healthy breakfast, poached egg on grain toast, which I ate in bed. My Gorgeous Huby told me he is proud of the change in me and what I am doing. Everything seems worth it!
After cleaning up I did some yoga and strength training with the little Miss. She thinks it's very funny, nothing like having your 2 & 1/2 year old laughing at you while your exercising!
Miss went for a nap so Hubby and I jumped on the wii fit. An hour later and I was pooped!
Did the jogging a couple of times, arghhh the pain. I honestly don't think I have ever jogged properly, unless there was chocolate involved! :/
We had a fab dinner- Nachos, made healthy.
It felt great to eat something that I love but made healthier.
We had- wholemeal lebanese bread, cut into chips and baked til crunchy.
- greek yoghurt in guacamole instead if sour cream
- half vegie and half mince instead of full mince.
- tiny bit of cheese in top
-and to top it off served with salad!
It was soooo good.

Nachos the healthy way. Yummo

Sunday...
Had a rest day today. I was so exhausted and sore, I was aching all over. I was sore in muscles I didn't even know I had. My gorgeous Hubby again came to the rescue and gave me a massage.
We went to a Birthday party in the afternoon and I was so proud that I didnt eat any nibbles stuff. Although I did have a small piece of Birthday Cake :/

Monday...
ZUMBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so excited to be getting back to Zumba! It has been a really long time since I have done it.
I went for a 45 walk with some lovely ladies before heading off to a class...
WHOA, I forgot how exhausting and exhilarating it is. I couldn't keep the smile off my face the whole time even when I felt like I was going to collapse like a pile of Jelly on the floor. I kept pushing and gave my all, shaking my booty for the world to see, and you know what I was having so much fun I didn't care if my wobbly bits were wobbling a little too much. I felt like me again.
I managed to burn almost 1000 Calories today!!! That is amazing.

Tuesday....
Once again My Gorgeous Hubby (shall we just call him MGH) showed me how much he supports me by buying me a Polar Heart rate monitor watch! Awesome, it will show me exactly how many calories Im burning. cant wait til it arrives.

Thursday.....
Australia Day
Had a BAD day today. It started well, I did my Zumba DVD and yoga and strentgth training. then I Made us Sausage Sambos for lunch in honour of Australia Day. I bought white bread for them as it doesn't feel right to eat a sausage sizzle with grain bread. I have not eaten white bread in almost a year and boy did I pay for it!!! I felt so bloated and sick after. We had vegie and meat spag bol for dinner and I just had a small bit of sauce, I kept feeling worse and ended up going to bed at 8pm!
No More White Bread in this house!!!!

friday... Today
The good news about going to bed so early was that I got an awesome sleep, Little Miss slept in til 7.30am so I had almost 12 hours! I felt fab and after brekky got into 20 mins of Zumba before cleaning the house.
More great news is that my watch arrived today, very exciting, I couldn't wait to give it a go so Zumba again. then when Little Miss went down for her sleep I decided to do a bit of circuit training in the yard. I was jogging, walking, push ups, situps, squats, leg lifts for 40 mins til I couldn't move anymore, then cooled down with 15 mins of yoga. Felt good.


The Most exciting news I forgot to put is that on Tuesday I weighed myself and I have lost 3.4KGS in 1 week!!!!!!!!!!!! Totally awesome news!

The Beginning of the end...... of being the fat one

Hello All!
my name is Skye and I am FAT!
not just fat, i am unhealthy, unfit, I overeat, I emotional eat. I am also in denial about all this.... that is, I was in denial until this past Tuesday.
Sitting on the couch reading Womans Day when i came across Michelle Bridge's 12 week body transformation, curious I looked up the website and was hooked!
I decided if I was going to do this I would put my all into it
First step- to the scales, it had been a while. I was in no way prepared for them to laugh gleefully in my face and scream out 100.7 kgs!!!!  i was disgusted in myself.
How did this happen?
Why did I let it get this bad?
the answers came to me, though I didn't want to hear them.
It happened because you don't exercise and eat right, don't take care of yourself.
I let it get this bad because I was in denial (more than Cleopatra)- i know its a bad joke, but I like it.
I always said "If I ever get to 90kgs then I'll worry and do something" then i got to 90 kg an the excuse was, "I don't actually look too bad, I'll give it a go if I ever get to 100kgs"
Gah!! I was so stupid.
So now, I am putting it out there for everyone too see. I am not giving myself a chance to give up.
The more people I tell the harder I will work to prove to myself and anybody who wants to write me off, that I can do this!
I am making a Public PROMISE to Me, my wonderful Hubby and our Beautiful Daughter and to my amazing Family and Friends that I will-

• Change my eating habits to better and healthier food choices
• Exercise every day
• Spend more time doing active things as a family
• Commit to Michelles 12WBT, give it my all, and complete it.

All I ask in return is that you all think positive thoughts for me and stay beside me, even when it's rough.
I will be updating my progress on here frequently.
Time to sign off, it's after midnight.
Toodles, xxxx